Starling Fitness: Daily writings on Fitness, Diet, and Health

I saw this picture on naive orleanss — buns-and-guns: I did a thing and I thought, “How clever!”

It reads:

I did a thing.

This reminds me of my Easy Meals that I did back in 2008:

• Starling Fitness – Easy Meals: Mexi-Beans
• Starling Fitness – Easy Meals: Italian Beans
• Starling Fitness – Easy Meals: Refried Beans

Each recipe makes three meals and shows you all the easy ingredients. I haven’t done this for a long time because I got sick of eating these meals over and over. Part of keeping the dopamine response to healthy food fresh is varying your meals. I haven’t eaten these meals in so long that they look good to me again. It’s funny how we need to be reminded over and over things we’ve already learned.

Via: Breathe Happiness

I found this banner on Pinterest the other day.

It reads:

Fruit is fast food

It’s true. It’s really easy to grab an apple, pear or nectarine on your way out the door. The only problem with this idea is if you didn’t BUY the fruit the last time you went grocery shopping. Make sure you put fruit and easily edible veggies (like baby carrots or pre-cut celery) on your grocery list.

You can’t eat what isn’t there.

Imagine yourself in a lush, green park. The grass is perfectly soft and dry. The sun outside is bright, but a light breeze keeps you from getting too warm. You sit in the grass and start thinking.

First, you think about bingeing. You think about that feeling and feel it deep in your chest. That compulsion feels heavy and black and you gather it into your hands, squishing it into a ball.

Then, you scan your body for pain. Anything that hurts and anything that even twinges starts migrating to your chest as well. A black lump of pain congregates near your heart, but you gather it into your hands and add it to the ball you have, smoothing it and compacting it like a black snowball.

Then you think about all the emotional pain you are dealing with right now. Anything that has hurt your feelings in the last few hours or days or even weeks or years, let it come to your chest. Let it gather like another lump of blackness. Remove it from your chest and add it to the ball in your hands, ever smoothing it with your fingertips.

Finally, think about all the pain around you. Loved ones who are in pain. Those who have harmed you. Anything external to you that is affecting you negatively is attracted to the ball in your hands. You can feel it getting quite big from all the pain that is within you and without you.

In your hands, work that ball. Push upon it with your hands, making it more compact and smaller. It is still rather heavy, but you have finally gotten it to the size of an eight ball on a pool table. Shiny, black and firm, you keep compressing this ball until you are unable to make it any smaller.

As you run your hands along the black smoothness, you look up to see an eager puppy in front of you. You realize this puppy is your spiritual guide and she misses you so much. She hasn’t seen you since the last time you tried meditating and she is overjoyed to be with you again. She eyes the black ball of your pain and you know that she wants to play fetch.

You throw the ball as far as you can. The weight of it makes a thump on the soft grass, far down the field and the puppy races to get it. She grabs the ball and brings it back to you, dropping it at your feet. When you pick it up, you can feel that it is smaller, lighter and softer than it was before. The puppy is jumping at your hand, begging you to throw it again and you toss it away even further than before.

After many throws, the ball is a small and malleable lump in the puppy’s mouth, but she is tired of fetch. When you try to take the ball from her to throw it again, she dodges away from you. After a few chases, she lies on the grass just out of your reach, chewing on the ball. She keeps chewing until it dissolves into nothing.

Your pain is gone, cleansed by the love of your spiritual guide and the two of you can now walk along the grassy field of the park in the sunshine together, happy and content.

Original Photo via: Ian D. Keating at Flickr

At some point, not even the best food in the world could appease me. I couldn’t stop eating. Nothing satisfied me and I was hungry ALL day long, no matter what I ate. I recently rewatched Constantine and Father Hennessy’s death scene is exactly what it was like for me with food.

It’s a wonder I didn’t end up dead, just like Father Hennessy, covered in creamy filling and salty crumbs instead of drowning in alcohol. I am so grateful I found OA. It took me ten years of suffering to get there, but I got there alive, despite Balthazar on my shoulder at every moment.

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Overeaters Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog.

I don’t know how to express how much this scene from the end of Indiana Jones and the Final Crusade has helped me. If you have never seen the movie, watch it now, or be spoiled.

In this scene, Indy’s father has been shot by the Nazis and the only way he can save his father is by going through the three trials and finding the Holy Grail. Fortunately, his father kept a detailed Grail Diary documenting the three trials.

Here is what happens:

The Breath of God

The first trial is The Breath of God: Only the penitent man shall pass.

I love how Indy and his father repeat it over and over. Penitent, penitent, penitent. At the last minute, Indy realizes he needs to kneel before God or he will be struck down by very real blades.

“The penitent man is humble before God. The penitent man is humble. He kneels before God!”

To me, this trial represents the first step in the Twelve Steps. You MUST be humble for this program to work. You MUST admit that you are not as cool as you thought you were. You have to be so defeated by this disease that you bow your head in humility. God, not required. The razor sharp blades of your disease will cut you down whether there is a god or not.

The Word of God

The second trial is The Word of God: Only in the footsteps of God will he proceed.

Indy reads the Grail Diary and realizes he needs to spell out the name of God, which was easy! Jehovah!

And then Indy realizes that in Latin, Jehovah starts with an “i.”

This trial represents the second step in the Twelve Steps. You must recognize that only a power greater than yourself can help you. Once again, no God required. In fact, what you think you know about God might be a liability. That power greater than you can be the group, your sponsor, your FitBit or any other guidance outside your own diseased mind. I’ve talked about this quite a bit here:

• Starling Fitness – My Higher Power

I like to think that Indy’s dad translated it wrong. The true meditation should be, “Only in the footsteps of one greater than you shall you proceed.”

The Path of God

The final trial is The Path of God: Only in the leap from the lion’s head will he prove his worth.

A quick look at the Grail Diary tells him all he needs to know.

“It’s a leap of faith. Oh jeez!” “You must believe, boy. You must believe.”

This is the third step in the Twelve Steps. You must believe that a power greater than you can stop you from killing yourself. You have to hand yourself over to it, whatever it may be. You just close your eyes and step onto that delicate bridge. It will be there under your feet as long as you are careful.

Was It Intentional?

I’ve looked all over the Internet and I can’t see any reference to the Twelve Steps with this movie. In fact, Indy’s dad said he found these clues in the Chronicles of St. Anselm. Most believe that to be St. Anselm of Canterbury, but I did a search through all the works of St. Anselm and found nothing written that is even close to the phrases in the three trials.

I must have watched this movie at a very impressionable time in my teens. I can recite this scene almost verbatim and when I have felt too cocky, I repeat to myself, “Only the penitent shall pass.” When I have felt like I could just skip my meetings and do this alone, I repeat, “Only in the footsteps of one greater than you shall you proceed.” Each time my atheism got in the way of my recovery, I thought about that leap of faith and Indiana Jones standing on the slim and cleverly disguised walkway.

I didn’t need to believe in God. All I needed to do was believe that it could be done with the help of someone else.

Images via:

• plot explanation – Where did the clues come from? – Movies & TV Stack Exchange
• Bob Canada’s BlogWorld: Late To The Party: Nitpicking Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade

So, I thought I would try to increase my exercise slightly. It might be my disease talking and if it is, I’ll keep an eye on it. I’ll talk to my sponsor about it. But, for now, I feel okay.

I signed up for a challenge on Lose It! that works with my FitBit. To do 12,500 steps a day.

It says 12,000 steps a day, but when I divide 375,000 steps by 30, I get 12,500.

Every night, I’ve found myself hovering at the point where I used to feel proud of myself, which is 10,000 steps. The bad thing about this challenge is that they didn’t account for rest days. If you want to take a rest day, you have to do MORE than 12,500 steps on your “On” days. For example, if you want one rest day a week (or four days in the month), you have to do 14,424 steps a day to make your monthly goal. I’m struggling just to do my 12,500 a day, hopping on the treadmill to squeeze in a couple thousand steps right before I go to bed. I can’t imagine trying to do over 14K a day.

I might have set an unrealistic goal for myself. Maybe it’s time to call my sponsor…

Board shorts. If you’ve never seen them, they’re like regular shorts, but they are made of material that works well with swimming. They dry quickly and they don’t chafe as much when they are wet. They’re shorts for when you are surfing the waves or kayaking the lake. You’re gonna get wet, but you don’t want to do it in a skimpy bikini.

They’re also kind of hard to find if you’re over weight and IMPOSSIBLE to find in the early Fall.

So, when I pulled on my board shorts Labor Day weekend to go boating, I panicked because they were so big that they were falling off my body. I had no idea my body had changed so much since I had last put them on (which was June 2012). I cinched them up with a couple of safety pins and the quick fix worked for the day.

So, when it came time to go boating the next weekend, I planned ahead. I went to the local stores in search of some new board shorts. I could find many swimming suits on clearance, but no board shorts in plus sizes. They’re rare at the beginning of the season, but NON-EXISTENT in early Fall. So, I did what my grand-momma taught me and I took them in.

I ended up removing a full three inches. THREE INCHES!

That seems like a HUGE amount, and that doesn’t even account for the seams, so I probably took it in a total of three and a half inches. I just measured and on the shorts that I haven’t altered the waist measures 40 inches. On the altered shorts it’s 35 1/2 inches. FOUR AND A HALF INCHES!

Now, a 35 1/2 inch waist is nothing to brag about. It’s a LONG way from anything anyone would write a song about, but there is progress.

Progress that I just CAN’T see. When I look in the mirror, I still feel super fat. Honestly, I AM super fat. I weigh 179.7 lbs. On a 5’2″ frame, that is a lot of bulk. Sure, I used to weigh 231.1 lbs. BOTH of them are obese. Not only that, I feel the exact same as I did 52 pounds ago. I’m sure I could compare pictures, if there were any, but I FEEL the same.

Okay, that’s a lie. I DON’T feel the same, but all the changes that I can feel are inner changes. I’m less likely to bite someone’s head off. I’m more apt to apologize quickly. I’m calmer when someone is rude to me. And I don’t need to eat over any of those things. THOSE are the changes that I can feel.

Until I was confronted with that excess fabric I had shorn from my board shorts, I was unable to see any physical changes. All the changes I had experienced were of the emotional kind. It’s amazing how a few inches of excess fabric can show me what mirrors can’t.

I usually talk about watches and other gadgets on The Gadgets Page. I have had a HATE/HATE relationship with the watch designers of the world for the last nine years, so, understandably, this watch has pleased me VERY much. You can read the gadget review here:

• Gadgets Page » FINALLY! The Apple Watch Is The Watch I Have Been Looking For!

I didn’t think Apple had it in them. Here is my journal entry from September 3rd:

In six days, Apple is making an announcement. The rumors have been flying for an iWatch. I would be reluctant to give up my FitBit and Lose It! They work so well that I am having a hard time believing that post-SteveJobs Apple can improve on that. Of course, after the 09-09 announcement, I might feel differently.

Yeah, yeah I do. Here is the video explaining the health and fitness aspects of the Apple Watch.

I had no idea that I would just give up my FitBit for anything, but the Apple Watch somehow did it.

There is a more vulgar version of this floating around Pinterest, but it wasn’t that pretty and I really wanted one that didn’t swear, so I made one.

It reads:

Don’t change so people will like you.

Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

Unless you’re a jerk. Then you should change.

Sure, we get a little laugh from this, but the truth is, I am a bit of a jerk. I’m probably a colossal jerk, if certain people are to be believed. When I went through my Twelve Steps, I was brought face to face with exactly how much of a jerk I really am.

And I had to APOLOGIZE!

Not only that, I had to make it right.

There were some people on my amends list whom I couldn’t contact to apologize. They were the hardest people to work through my amends. In the end, my sponsor had me write a letter to them.

Then she made me write ANOTHER letter, because I was STILL a jerk in the first one.

When I read her the second draft, she said it was acceptable and to put it in my God Box. I folded it up as small as it would go and it’s still in there, tempting me to pull it back out and read it. But the guilt from all my jerky behavior is gone. I did the best I could to apologize in the situation I was in.

And honestly, I’m still a jerk.

I’ll probably be a jerk for the rest of my life, but I’m doing the best I can to not be a jerk. And I’m apologizing quicker when I am.

What does this have to do with health and fitness?

I haven’t binged since I wrote those letters freeing me from the past. Despite my lack of belief in a god, writing those letters and handing them over to my God Box helped me. I have no idea how the act of folding those letters up into tiny rectangles and hiding them in a discarded Pringles can released me from my past jerkiness, but they did. Not only have they helped me keep my bingeing at bay, they have helped me to be a tad less jerky so I don’t have new situations to apologize for.

So, given the option to be myself and be a jerk or to change, I chose to change as best as I can.

Image via: Hunington Sunset by jonashaffer | Flickr

I laughed out loud when I saw this Facebook post on Imgur the other day.

It reads:

Montreal: Hey Facebook kids, what are your favourite songs to run to?

Friend Replied: I made my own song. It’s a mix of zombie noises, people saying, “I’m going to cut you,” “Come here little boy,” and police sirens. I’ve lost 10 lbs. 3 of which were in tears. I’ve also lost my wallet and my keys.

Montreal: Hey NORMAL Facebook kids, what are your favourite songs to run to?

I’ve talked about this concept before. The Primal Workout is a theory that you can trick your body into becoming more fit because it believes it’s in danger:

• Starling Fitness – Primal Workout: Trick Your Body Into Getting Thin
• Starling Fitness – Zombies, Run! Makes Exercise Fun
• Starling Fitness – Keeping My Dopamine Levels High

I don’t know how beneficial it is to do that workout every day, because it might cause enough stress on your body that it negates any benefits you might get from it. The more important question, however, is what music is good for working out and I have talked about that A LOT!

• Starling Fitness – Monday Music Motivation

I could never narrow things down to one or two songs, so I literally have HUNDREDS of songs in my workout playlist. The good thing about that is that I can listen to my tunes with every workout and not get sick of them.

Via: Fitness, Health, And Confidence