Starling Fitness: Daily writings on Fitness, Diet, and Health

Update 12-18-14

I’ve written a meditation book for atheists that you can see here: Twelve Step Meditations for Atheists by Laura M. at Amazon.com

My beloved rosary broke a few weeks ago, spewing beads everywhere. I’ve talked before about how I use it for weight loss meditation and it has been so helpful to me.

• How To Use A Rosary for OA Meditations

I gathered the beads that I could and made this mini rosary bracelet.

So much of the rosary is just extra beads. I can count on those ten beads five times instead of carting around a huge rosary, I can wear this discrete little bracelet wherever I go. I can touch the beads and recite my meditations anywhere without anyone knowing. Very stealthy.

Here’s how I meditate with my mini rosary bracelet.

Just like the big rosary, at the tree bead, I do the OA Promise Meditation:

I put my hand in yours, and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness, no longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for power and strength greater than ours, and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.

Then, each time there is a single bead, I do the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference.

For the three beads, I do the Third Step Prayer:

God, I offer myself to thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always.

For the ten bead grouping, I do the Seventh Step Prayer, but I change it slightly. I do one set for each character defect I have, replacing “every single defect of character” with the particular defect (i.e. guilt, resentment, anger, etc.) and replacing the word “strength” for the corresponding positive aspect of each defect (i.e. self-acceptance, forgiveness, calm, etc.). I will write more about this technique in the future.

My Creator, I am now willing that You should have all of Me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to You and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do Your bidding.

Sometimes, I just do the generic seventh step prayer once and that’s more than enough to help me.

This little bracelet has given me such a peace to just see it on my wrist. No one can tell that it’s a talisman for me. You can make yourself a bracelet just like this or even make yourself a different one that works better for your needs. Find yourself a similar talisman and you will find a strength during the trying times of the day.

Overeaters Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog.

Sometimes things I write come back to smack me in the face. This quote was taken from a fiction blog I write called, Merriton.

It reads:

Better to look weak and be strong than to look strong and be weak.

• Laura Moncur

Every time I start exercising again, it spirals out of control and I do WAY too much, which, ironically, causes a binge and usually injuries. So, I have held back on exercising. I did so much of it before and it never helped me lose weight. All it did was make me eat more.

I still walk my dog every day for a minimum of twenty minutes, but that’s something I do for her and for the sunshine that it gives me. I need at least twenty minutes of sun a day or I get a little depressed and stabby. That’s the sum total of my exercise for the last year, in which time I’ve lost a total of 56 pounds.

But then again, I know I am weak, no matter how much stronger I look.

I strained my back just walking yesterday. I didn’t pick up something too heavy or twist wrong. All I was doing was walking. THAT’S how weak I’ve become. But I don’t know how to get back to my weight-lifting regime without setting off my exercise bulimia.

I’m just as powerless over exercise as I am over food.

It has taken me a year to realize this. I NEED to exercise, just as much as I need to eat. It builds muscle. It keeps me strong. It protects my back and bones. It’s just as important as healthy food and just as binge-inducing. So, I need to treat it just like I have food ever since I joined Overeater’s Anonymous.

I’m powerless. I can’t control it. So I’ll just hand it over to someone who can.

I don’t know if it will be a trainer or my sponsor or what form my Higher Power may take in this case, but all I know is that I won’t be in charge. I overdo it and hurt myself every time I think I’m in charge.

The first job, however, is to finish unpacking the exercise room so I can use my weights again…

Overeaters Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog.

I saw this quote today and it made me think:

It reads:

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.

• Plato

So much of my talking is because I have to say something instead of having something to say. I like to think that I’m providing a service to those poor, shy people by yakking up a storm, but instead, I am revealing my insecurities to the world.

I’m scared of the quiet.

When things are quiet, I imagine that the other person is stewing and thinking bad thoughts about me. If they weren’t they’d talk, right?

WRONG…

Sometimes there is just nothing to say. Sometimes it’s okay for things to be quiet. My filling the air doesn’t stop the other person from thinking bad thoughts about me. In fact, my careless words might give them something bad to think.

The act of shutting my mouth and letting the other person talk or even allow there to be silence is difficult for me. It’s one act that I need to learn and practice so that I can be a better person.

Oh, Animal Crossing…

I get the BEST advice from you:

It reads:

A smile increases your face value.

Isn’t it true?! When I’m walking around with a big, goofy smile on my face, every person I pass smiles back at me, which makes me even happier and makes my goofy smile even BIGGER!

Image via: Animal Crossing New Leaf

This quote came up on the Random Quotes Page yesterday and I REALLY needed to see it.

It reads:

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

• Carl Jung

This is the concept of The Mirror. The idea is that the people in our lives are here to TEACH us something. There is something in everyone that is there to teach us. Some people are open, humble and teachable. Those people just see the beautiful in people, learn from it and emulate it.

Then there are the jerks like me…

I don’t see the the beautiful in people. I just see the ugly. I just see the hypocrisy. I just see the controlling nature. I just see the beautiful and feel envious instead of grasping onto it and making it my own. For me, the people are still there to teach me. Whenever I see the hypocrisy in someone, I need to look for the hypocrisy in myself. When was the last time I was a hypocrite? When I see someone who is controlling, I do the same. When was the last time I tried to control something I should just keep out of? Umm… Two minutes ago? Yeah…

If you spot it, you’ve got it.

If it makes you mad, you got it bad.

That’s what my sponsor said to me and though I had learned of the concept of The Mirror, it had never been said to me so clearly and succinctly. Plus, it must be true, because it rhymes.

So, the next time someone really bugs you, get excited! This is one of those rare opportunities to find a problem with yourself and FIX it. You can’t fix that other person, but you can sure as heck fix yourself. The next time you see an ugly face in the mirror, don’t turn away from it. FIX IT within yourself and the face that reflects back to you will be more beautiful.

At La Jolla Beach, back in 2007, I found this bit of graffiti attached to a sign.

It reads:

It’s all salt water like us

It reminds me of the quote from Seven Gothic Tales, written by Isak Dinesen in 1934:

The cure for anything is the sea… tears, sweat or the sea.

When she wrote that phrase, I’m sure she had some connection with the sea that we, desert dwellers, just don’t understand. Sure, we are awed by the sea, but it has never healed us. We just don’t spend enough time around it.

The coral sands of the desert are more like a sand blaster, wearing us down until we desiccate.

As far as tears and sweat they have healed me more than I can say.

I saw this motivational poster on MotiveWeight today and I wanted to share it.

It reads:

Some quit due to slow progress, never grasping the fact that slow progress is progress.

Sometimes it’s hard to notice progress because you’re looking at it too closely. I know the scale isn’t the best way to look at your physical progress, but it’s the one we use most regularly. When you look at the Lose It! graph of my weight over the last month, it doesn’t look that good.

In fact, the weight frustratingly goes up and down. I was down to 179.0 and then it popped up to 181.4. Then it went even higher up to 181.9. Up and down. Up and down. When I look at my weight from the distance of just one month, I can see hardly any progress.

When I look at the graph of every weight I’ve logged since October 2011, however, it tells a different story.

Sure, there are ups and downs, but that graph is pretty dramatically headed in the DOWN direction and has been since January of this year, when I joined Overeater’s Anonymous. You can pretty much tell the DATE I joined OA based on this graph alone. You can also see every time I tried and failed. Tried and failed.

It’s hard to see progress when you’re so close to it. Let yourself step away, get some perspective, and then you will see it. Slow progress might be slow, but it’s the kind that sticks around a lot longer than fast progress. Most importantly, slow progress is still progress.

I found this quote the other day and it seemed like the opposite of what I was told my whole life:

It reads:

Manifest plainness,

Embrace simplicity,

Reduce selfishness,

Have few desires.

– Lao-tzu

“Manifest plainness,” in particular, was something that was NEVER taught me, either by my family or society in general. Instead of suggesting that I manifest plainness, I was told that I should stand out. Buy this and you will stand out. Excel in school and you will stand out. Get a prestigious job and you will stand out.

I never once in my life thought that “standing out” might be bad for me.

But that desire to stand out has HARMED me. I have sacrificed money, emotion and time to it with no change in my feelings about myself. I thought that if I went to a prestigious school that I would feel better about myself. I didn’t. I thought that if I bought these cool clothes that I would feel better about myself. I didn’t. I thought that if I got that cool job I would would feel better about myself. I didn’t.

No matter what I sacrificed on the altar of “Standing Out,” it didn’t help me. No Coach purse. No fancy degree. No prestigious job. NOTHING helped make me feel worthy. It was never enough. No matter how many degrees, fashionable clothes or jobs I had, there was always someone with MORE.

And then someone told me I had to be humble and everything changed.

HUMILITY has made it all better. The realization that we are all the same. We all are born. We all die. We all are mere humans on this big, blue, marble. No one is higher than me. No one is below me. We are all on the same level.

That concept made all of the “Standing Out” seem unnecessary. Suddenly, I could see what “Standing Out” meant. Anyone who was trying to show how much better they were was someone who was trying to prove something that just wasn’t true. It was like holding up a huge sign that said, “I don’t think I’m good enough.” THAT is what the tags on designer clothes say. They scream, “I don’t think I’m good enough,” so loudly that I can’t hear a word the person is saying. THAT is what bragging about your alma mater or your job is: chanting, “I don’t think I’m good enough,” over and over.

“Manifest plainness,” isn’t about making yourself purposefully less than others. It’s about NOT screaming your inadequacies out to the world. It’s about not desperately trying to prove that you are better. It’s humility and true humility is far more attractive than anything in a fashion magazine.

I saw this quote today and it really helped me:

It reads:

Like threads of silver seen through crystal beads, let love through good deeds show.

• Edwin Arnold

They keep telling us that to love ourselves, we need to repeat affirmations into the mirror, but they are WRONG. The way we tell ourselves that we love ourselves is by being NICE to ourselves. Dress in clean and mended clothes. Eat healthy food. Stay active in a fun way. Take a shower. Meditate daily. Doing all of these things will show yourself love far more than anything you could say to yourself in the mirror.

I saw this comic fromThree Panel Soul the other day and it made me cry.

It reads:

Owner: Who’s a good dog?

Dog: Whoah, that’s a hell of a question.

Owner: Who’s a good boy?

Dog: Who among us can truly be said to be good? What is goodness?

Owner: You are!

Dog: What?!

Owner: Yes!

Dog: This is amazing!

When I saw this, I felt like I was the dog, contemplating goodness and feeling completely unable to live up to it. When the owner said, “You are!” I felt just like that dog, in denial, yet, hoping it was true. “What?!”

ALL of us are like that dog. We feel that we are not good enough. We feel that true goodness is unattainable with our flawed selves. We just need that owner. We just need to know that someone thinks that we are good. Someone who is better than us thinks we are worth it.

Every one of us has that unseen owner within our own minds. It is the aspect of your mind that you are not able to access at all times, but you see glimpses of it when you are dancing or singing along with the radio. Maybe you can catch it watching you as you meditate or when you are working very hard on a project you care about.

Get in touch with that part of your brain. It thinks you’re good. It wants to tell you that every day, but you can’t hear it because the noise on the television is too loud and the headlines of the newspaper are blocking your vision. If you can teach yourself to listen for it and listen to it, then the appeal of food won’t attract you as much anymore. It will be a dull attraction rather than a siren song.

For more info, I have an entire category of posts to get you in touch with that unused portion of your brain: Starling Fitness – Inner Workouts