Starling Fitness: Daily writings on Fitness, Diet, and Health

This secret was posted on PostSecret last Sunday. I could have written it six years ago if you replaced the Reese’s Pieces with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. There was a time when I had decided to be fat and I didn’t want to deal with any of my emotional issues. I used to spend all day at work just wishing that I could go home, watch TV and eat Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Some days, I would stay home from work just so I could binge.

Ironically, the decision to just be fat and love myself anyway was the first step toward getting a healthy life. If I had known that I was only a few months away from dragging myself out of the depression, I don’t think I would have binged on the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups as much. Deciding to love myself and be fabulous, even though I was fat helped drag me out of the pit of depression, but it didn’t happen immediately. It takes a while to learn how to love yourself, but I didn’t know that.

It took even longer for me to join Weight Watchers because I wanted to be healthy. I had decided that I was joining to learn how to eat healthy since I was so confused by all the fad diets out there. I enjoyed it when the pounds slowly melted, but that wasn’t my focus. All I wanted was to be able to live a few extra years on this planet. That didn’t mean that I was finished with bingeing. I was just learning to incorporate my bingeing into a healthy diet.

It wasn’t until a few months ago that I finally learned to kick my bingeing. It took pages and pages of writing out my feelings before I was finally able to realize why I was bingeing and what I needed to give myself to replace it. Now, I could actually imagine a life without Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups without feeling deprived.

This is not a quick fix and it was far from easy for me to give up the bingeing that had served me so well during my childhood. Don’t forget that the first step is deciding to love yourself no matter what. If you do that, then you will be on the road to healing.

For more help on this issue:

• Starling Fitness » Vulnerability Foods

• Starling Fitness » Losing Motivation

PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.

I’m shockingly impressed by MTV’s review of the fat suit trend in Hollywood.

• MTV.com – Movies – News – Rewind: Does The Fat Suit Really Fit Anyone In Hollywood?

They were really hard on Shallow Hal, which was one movie that I really thought the fat suit looked more real than any other and had a good moral ending to the “lookism” problem. There were a lot of cheap shot fat jokes in it, but I actually liked the movie a lot.

This article was obviously initiated because of the release of the movie, Just Friends, in which the main character plays a fat kid who loses the weight and goes back to win the heart of his first love. I wish Hollywood would let me write that story. That girl who wouldn’t even consider him dating material when he was fat isn’t worth his time. She was too shallow to love him when he wasn’t “perfect,” why should he try to win her over now that he is?

I want to see the story of the girl who loved him so much for who he was that he eventually believed in her vision of him. He lost the weight because she convinced him that he should take care of himself, live a healthy life and have the body he deserved. That’s the movie that I want to see. Either that, or the revenge scenario where he realizes that she’s not worth winning after he becomes thin (or before, for that matter).

Hollywood doesn’t understand the complicated issues of fat because it’s an industry that surrounds itself with thin. Hollywood understands thin very well. Anyone who has seen The Machinist can attest to that, but they have no comprehension of what fat is like. It’s going to take a movie from an independent to tell the world what fat is really like. Just like Napoleon Dynamite was able to tell the world what a rural teen experiences, there is a director and writer out there who can truly tell Hollywood what it’s like to be fat and when they do, they’ll be a blockbuster because everyone who has ever experienced this will flock to the theaters.

Until then, don’t let Hollywood convince you that being fat means that you have to be lonely. Loneliness is caused by isolating yourself from people, not from your body shape. If you are lonely, it’s not because you’re fat. Promise yourself that you will do something today to alleviate your loneliness (join a club, call an old friend, volunteer your time). Then, when you get to goal weight, you won’t have the shocking discovery that thin people get lonely too.

Via: Big Fat Blog: MTV on Fat Suits

I don’t know about the rest of the world, but this secret that was posted on PostSecret is a personal fear of mine. Even though I have lost a lot of weight, I haven’t hit PlayBoy Bunny status. Part of the reason is that I stopped wearing makeup and working so hard on my appearance when I lost the weight. Another part is that I’m still 30 pounds away from my goal weight and 45 pounds away from PlayBoy Bunny weight.

What if I get to goal weight and I become vain? Isn’t spending so much time on losing weight just another form of vanity? What if I lose weight and think I’m finally beautiful, but it turns out that I was one of those fat AND ugly people? What if losing weight doesn’t make me pretty? What if losing weight makes me shallow and hollow like a chocolate easter bunny?

All of these worries have plagued me for years. The best that I have been able to do to curb them is quit wearing makeup and concentrate on health. I started this journey because my stomach hurt me all the time. Concentrating on that aspect of eating healthy has been the most helpful to me. I am not losing weight to be a beauty queen. I’m losing weight so I can live on this planet a couple of more years.

If any of you have conquered this fear, leave a comment. I’m sure others are fighting with this issue and I KNOW that it has been interfering with my weight loss for a long time.

PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.

Maybe you had a plan and threw it all out the window. Maybe you didn’t plan for it and just thought you wouldn’t have any trouble. Maybe you decided to overeat before you even smelled the turkey. It doesn’t matter. You think you blew it and you’re here.

Guess what…

You didn’t blow it.

(more…)

I finally got to Lane Bryant to try out Figure Magazine. As I was worried, there was a full-page ad for the book, “Your Hidden food Allergies Are Making You Fat” but that was the only quacky advertisement in the whole issue. The rest of the advertisements were for clothing, underwear, and of course, the Dove Ad everyone’s talking about. I find it interesting that none of the major makeup companies have even one ad in the magazine. Do they think fat women don’t wear makeup? There was a perfect spot in the makeover section for one of the enterprising makeup companies, but they didn’t bother. Instead, there was an underwear ad.

This issue was focused on Makeover: making over your life, taking risks, making over your relationships, making your recipes healthier, making over your exercise routine and making yourself pretty. It was a really positive issue that concentrated on making things better. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

“There are two kinds of makeovers: the ones that are simply skin deep – a redecorated room or new hairstyle, makeup or wardrobe – and the ones that go to the core of our beings – a complete change of attitude, a new way to behave, even a transformation of the way we think. While we usually have lots of fun repainting our bedroom walls a sunny shade of yellow or applying a new peach-colored blush to our cheeks, it’s not quite so enjoyable transforming the way we reason or act every single day.” – Geri Brin

“We must create opportunities to feel good about ourselves. Although you have no control over exterior influences, be a champion for yourself. Become infatuated with your own beauty.” – Dorrit Bern

“I don’t worry too much about indulging every once in a while. It all comes out in the wash at the end of the week. Punishing yourself for a meal really goes nowhere; the balance has to happen on a weekly or monthly basis. That’s what healthy eating is all about.” – Laura Pensiero, nutritionist

“Body image is so much a state of mind. The way you look even on your worst day isn’t the worst thing in the world. Live your life!” – Wendy McClure, author of I’m Not the New Me

The article, “Find Your Perfect Workout” was a little simplistic and told me that I would love tennis. They didn’t have an option for a person who is both social AND mentally focused. It turned out that DDR, bike riding and running are the best exercises for me, none of which were on their very limited list. For a better list of exercises to choose from try About.com’s Online Workout Center – Weight training and cardio workouts.

On the whole, I liked the magazine and I’m going to buy a subscription. I just hope that more advertisers pull their heads out of the size 3 racks and start realizing that real women wear makeup too.

I wrote a fiction piece on Pick Me! about Strength and what it would look like when you finally reach it.

• Pick Me! » Illustration Friday: Strength

Illustration Friday is a weekly illustration challenge. A topic is posted every Friday and then participants have all week to come up with their own interpretation. It is for illustrators and it seems every participant does a quick drawing for their entries. I prefer to write fiction, so I follow the same rules using the challenge of the week to write a short story.

Tyra Banks is donning a fat suit for her television show, The Tyra Banks Show. She describes the experience as one of the most heartbreaking days of her life.

• People.com – Tyra Banks Models Fat Suit for Show

She was shocked at the people that pointed and laughed at her. She was surprised by the people who stared at her.

Obesity seems like the last form of open discrimination that’s okay. I had no idea it was that blatant.

I wonder what Tyra’s life is like. What is it like to be shockingly beautiful? What is it like to never have experienced the taunts of people laughing at her “fat ass”? If one day in a fat suit is one of the most heart-breaking days of her life, I wonder what it’s like to be a supermodel. What does it feel like to go an entire lifetime without having someone call me a “fat broad”?

Whenever I feel like I don’t want to exercise, maybe I can remember the shock that Tyra felt on that day. Maybe I can imagine what it would be like to be gorgeous and unattainable instead of mocked and degraded. The hope of living a life without degradation is enough to get me out of bed and on the treadmill.

Via: Big Fat Blog: Tyra Banks Joins Fat Suit Club

There is a meditation exercise in which you place a raisin in your mouth. You do not eat the raisin. You meditate and allow it to sit in your mouth unmolested. The raisin plumps up and becomes a juicy fruitness in your mouth, tempting you to bite it. This is a powerful example of how eating is different when you are truly aware of each morsel.

• Mindful Eating: Thich Nhat Hanh Discusses Mindful Eating

I have done this with M&Ms. When I only get a tiny amount of candy, I eat it slowly in order to savor it. The candy coating becomes thin shards that poke the roof of my mouth. The chocolate melts and escapes from the candy coating as soon as a crack appears. I never used to eat M&Ms that way. I used to crunch them by the handful, but now I’m more aware of their tasty goodness.

Here is my favorite quote from Thich Nhat Hanh’s entry about Mindful Eating:

“There are some people who eat an orange but don’t really eat it. They eat their sorrow, fear, anger, past, and future.”

How many times have I eaten my sorrow, fear or anger? Too many to count. Even now, I am still learning to just eat the food instead of eating my emotions. I hope to master this someday.

This article from Steve Pavlina has been sitting in my “write an entry about this” bin for awhile. He talks about your greatest strengths and your greatest weaknesses.

• Steve Pavlina – Your Superpower and Your Kryptonite

What is your greatest strength in weight management? My greatest strength is my drive and ambition. I am incredibly motivated to get thin. I always have been. I have been desperately motivated to get thin since I was nine years old. That motivation can hold me through things that most people cringe to think about.

My motivation to be thin held me through those summers in Billings when my grandparents starved me. I was able to survive those summers and emerge from them with baton, tennis and swimming skils. I can starve myself for three months on end. That is my strength.

It’s also my weakness and it’s why I was fat for years. I knew that I was capable of starvation for months on end. I would starve myself and then bounce back with bingeing. Eventually, I was able to stop starving myself, but that didn’t stop the bingeing. I continued bingeing whenever I felt insecure or unprotected.

I wasn’t able to conquer my Kryptonite until I was willing to give up my Superpower. The year that I said, “Enough!” and stopped dieting forever was the year the I started to head on the road to health. I refused to diet. I decided to be fat forever. I gave up my incredible motivation and willpower. I gave up my ability to live on starvation rations for months. I gave it all up and decided that I was good enough. I was pretty just the way I was and I wasn’t ever going to worry about losing weight again.

Ironically, when I gave all that up, I started eating healthier. I started following the USDA Food Pyramid, adding more veggies and fruits into my diet. I started replacing Diet Coke with water. I found Weight Watchers and decided that I needed to learn how to eat healthy instead of activating my Superpower.

And now, I am truly invincible.

What is your weight management Superpower? Is it also your Kryptonite? What are your strengths and how can you use them to your advantage? What are your weaknesses? How can you avoid them? Take an hour for yourself today and write out these questions and your answers.

Margaret Cho has a nice little entry talking about the new Dove Ads.

• Margaret Cho’s Blog – Real Beauty

The women in the ads are curvy, beautiful and in their underwear. Magazines have ignored curvy women for so long that these ads have rocked the industry. The entire nation is surprised to see normal women on the magazine covers. They aren’t obese. They aren’t fat. They are trim and fit, but they have some curves and a little junk in their trunk.

Remember, you don’t have to be skinny to be pretty.