Starling Fitness: Daily writings on Fitness, Diet, and Health

My friend sent me a link to this Washington Post entry:

• Five words you should stop using when you talk about food – The Washington Post

I immediately thought of the words that I thought should be on that list. The words they chose, however, weren’t anywhere near to what I was thinking: Detox, Cleanse, Skinny, Never and Perfect. While I might agree with “Never” and “Perfect,” they didn’t come up on my list.

Here are the REAL five words we should stop using when talking about food: (more…)

I love this quote:

It reads:

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.

• Francois de La Rochefoucauld

The thing that has helped me refrain from eating the most has been that inner tranquility. I find it almost daily in a variety of ways:

• Reading uplifting literature
• Meditation
• Talking to others who are suffering from eating disorders
• Going to Overeater’s Anonymous Meetings
• Exercise
• Petting my cat or dog
• Listening to inspirational music

If you can give your brain a dose of those feel-good chemicals every day without eating, then you have learned the secret to living a healthy and happy life. Take some time today to get that dose of good feelings from something other than food.

Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

This motivational poster from Library of beauty surprised me.

It reads:

Remember the compliments you receive. Forget the insults.

When I look at this honestly, I have found that the compliments send me back into overeating FAR more than the insults. I had been insulted by my grandmother since I was four years old. The kids at grade school called me Chug-A-Lug. It was all one huge insult, so much so, that it didn’t hurt anymore. Sure, call me fat. I AM fat.

The compliments, however, are jarring. “You must really be enjoying your skinny new body.” “You are looking so good, have you lost weight?” I had compliments like that back when I was still bingeing and purging with exercise.

I’ve had compliments like that now, and it feels different. It’s one of those rare times when “attraction, not promotion” is at work for Overeater’s Anonymous. I feel like it’s my duty to tell the person who complimented me how very grateful I am to OA. The compliments STILL make me want to binge, though.

I haven’t figured this out yet, because it seems like the polar opposite of what I should feel. Shouldn’t compliments make me want to work even harder? I really don’t understand what is going on in my mind when this happens, but quite honestly, I’d rather have neither compliments nor insults. I’d rather just live my life without anyone feeling that it’s within their right to comment on my body.

Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

I found this quote today and it made me feel better about the journal writing I do every day.

It reads:

The palest ink is better than the best memory.

• Chinese Proverb

I spend a half hour writing in my journal every day. I credit it with keeping me sane and it very well do that, but at the same time, I begrudge the time. In that thirty minutes, I could get my exercise done, or play video games or read. There are so many other things I could be doing in that time that don’t feel like a chore.

But I have seen a marked correlation between my sane times and the times when I write in my journal faithfully. Oh, and it’s great for keeping track of my life because I can turn back to that time and check my facts. That quotation is correct. The palest ink IS better than the best memory, because there are lots of times when I have remembered things incorrectly and my journal fixed it or proved me wrong.

If you have been struggling, try keeping a journal, not of your food, but of your emotions, history and thoughts. You might find that it’s easier to keep eating sanely when your crazy ideas are out of your mind and on the paper.

I found this motivational poster on Your Weight Is Over. I really liked the idea.

It reads:

Be so busy loving your life that you have no time for hate, regret, or fear.

This has been, hands-down, the BEST way to feel better about myself. There are things in my life that I want to do. I want to write books. I want to have a healthy body. I want to go years and years without bingeing. I want to go to Quebec and speak French with the locals. So, I make a checklist every day. EVERY DAY!!

I set TINY goals every day that have something to do with loving my life. Exercising, meditating, writing, practicing French and all the things that will eventually take me where I want to be. Every time I check something off my list, I feel a tiny surge of feeling good about myself. In fact, I spend my whole day giving myself little doses of dopamine every time I check something off a list.

It’s WAY better than eating all day long.

And those negative emotions like hate, regret and fear all evaporate when I accomplish things. Because if you work a LITTLE bit toward your goals every single day, you WILL accomplish great things. You won’t hate other people. You’ll bask in their envy. You won’t fear the future. You will plan it out just like you want. You won’t regret what you never did. You’ll actually DO it!

Loving my life comes one check mark at a time!

THIS! This is what you miss when you blow off your workout…

Feel Good Inc. was out in the cold the other morning and she saw this sunrise. This is the kind of thing that you miss when you listen to that voice in your head.

It’s too cold outside right now.

I’m so tired from exercising every day.

I’ll just do the workout later.

When you listen to that voice, you miss out on the good things like a beautiful sunrise and an invigorating workout. The next time you have that nagging voice in your head trying to talk you out of getting your butt out of bed and doing your workout, remember this gorgeous morning sunrise that you could be enjoying if you just do the next right thing.

Last weekend, I got my one year abstinence chip in my Overeater’s Anonymous meeting.

Before I came to OA, I had no hope. ZERO hope. I was managing my eating by counting the minutes between my alarms on my phone.

• Starling Fitness – Refeeding: A Treatment for Obesity?

I had no hope for a cure for my brain, and honestly, there IS NO CURE for a broken brain. There is, however, a treatment and it takes everything you have to follow it. Fortunately, I haven’t had to sweat has hard as I did in the past, but I did have to learn how to be humble.

• Starling Fitness – How To Be Humble

In fact, just writing this entry makes me worried that I’m not being humble, but as a recovering binge-eater, it’s my responsibility to share my hope, strength and experience.

In October 2013, I couldn’t go more than an hour without bingeing. I would eat ALL DAY LONG and I felt hungry all the time. Now, I hold in my hand, a one year chip. It has been over a YEAR since I have binged. There is hope. If you thought that you would start the new year right and are disgusted with yourself because you just cannot follow your program, get yourself to an Overeater’s Anonymous meeting.

Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

This quote is one of those that really helps me DO something with my life.

It reads:

This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.

• Ralph Waldo Emerson

The part that was always hard for me is the “…if we but know what to do with it.” I had the hardest time knowing what to do because I always want to do it ALL. In my mind of over-everything, I want to do the grueling training workout every day. I want to write a hundred pages in my book. I want to write twenty entries for Starling Fitness and The Gadgets Page. I want to do ALL THE THINGS!

At some point, however, I have a system failure.

This was explained very well by Hyperbole and a Half:

Just my list from earlier sends me into system failure, where I sit on the couch not knowing what to do. The ONLY thing that has ever worked for me is to set my goals LOW! Not just normal low. LOW LOW! So low that they feel like I am not accomplishing anything. You can’t imagine how very MUCH I can do by “not accomplishing anything.”

I’ve talked about this before:

• Starling Fitness – Start Out PATHETICALLY Slow

Instead of a grueling training workout every day, my goal is twenty minutes of EASY exercise, like leisurely walking the dog. Instead of writing a hundred pages in my book, all I need to do is write a SINGLE sentence. That’s it. Instead of starving myself or keeping my calories below a certain level, I need to eat moderately every two and a half hours. I eat when my alarm goes off. I don’t when it doesn’t.

Instead of doing ALL THE THINGS and shutting down, I’m doing some small meaninglessly trivial things and getting a ton of stuff done in the process. This was brought home to me when I got my yearly email from Fitbit.

In one year, I walked over a thousand miles and took 2.3 MILLION steps. You probably did the same amount last year, you just didn’t have a little device measuring your every move. You can accomplish so MUCH by just doing a little bit every day. Whatever your big goal is, break it up into small steps. Then break those steps into even SMALLER steps until the thought of doing that one thing sounds trivially easy. THAT should be your daily goal. Sure, dreaming big helps you stay motivated, but working small actually gets things done.

DREAM BIG, BUT WORK SMALL.

I absolutely adore this quote from Lady Gaga!

It reads:

Sometimes in life you don’t always feel like a winner, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a winner.

• Lady Gaga

That statement, “Sometimes in life you don’t always feel like a winner…” is an understatement. It has taken me YEARS to realize that sometimes I feel like a complete and utter loser and it doesn’t matter. I just get up and do the work anyway.

The way I FEEL doesn’t matter.

It has taken my entire adult life to learn this. My emotions are sometimes up. They are sometimes down. No matter how I feel, though, I get up and do the work anyway. Just show up. That’s all I need to do.

I have have lost 59 pounds. FIFTY-NINE POUNDS and yet, most days, I feel like a complete and utter loser. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror or look at my weight loss graph to remind myself that I’m not a loser. Somehow those things don’t matter when I feel like a loser.

The only thing that matters is doing the work, whatever the work may be.

On the flip side, sometimes I feel a bit manic and feel as if I am a complete success and I don’t need to work anymore. That might feel good, but it STILL doesn’t matter. I still need to get up and do the work anyway.

This is not just true with weight loss. This is true about EVERYTHING: career, relationships, physical fitness, healthy eating, EVERYTHING.

I have published three books now. THREE books and yet, most days, I feel like a complete and utter loser. I can’t even look at the books and remind myself that I’m not a loser. Somehow those books don’t matter when I feel like a loser.

It doesn’t matter what you feel. Feelings might make you feel good. They might make you feel bad, but the MOST important thing is to keeping working through the feelings.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this quote!!!

It reads:

Ever tried? Ever failed? No Matter, try again, fail again, Fail better.

• Samuel Beckett

I have been “trying” for ten years. I have been “failing” for ten years. And the BEST part is that I am actually failing better now than I did ten years ago. I will never be cured. I will never conquer this eating disorder, but I can keep trying and keep failing better and better.