Starling Fitness: Daily writings on Fitness, Diet, and Health

The more I live a healthy lifestyle, the more I realize that my harsh judgment of myself is what made me fat in the first place. In fact, I still find myself doing it on a regular basis. My incident with black toenail was caused by my judging myself. I decided that I had been running for so long that I should easily be doing six mile runs every day. I jumped up from two and three miles a day to six miles a day (with a good long 10 mile run thrown in there for good measure). What happened from this sudden increase in mileage? An injury that has kept me from running to this day. I still have my toenails, but they are hanging on my a thread. I don’t want to lose them, so it’s the stationary bike for me.

The big question is:

What if it doesn’t matter?

What if how much you weigh is much less important than how you treat yourself?

What if you treated yourself like a cherished child?

What would you tell that child if you noticed he/she was overweight?

Would you berate her/him like you have been yourself?

Next time you weigh yourself and start feeling angry because you didn’t lose as much as you wanted, STOP IT! Think of that hurt little child inside of you and just give him/her a freakin’ break. Take moment to be with that child and cherish her/him. That abused and damaged child within you has put up with many episodes of you starving and exercising beyond logic and health. Apologize for all you’ve done and just be nice to yourself.

This is about the time people stop working on their New’s Year’s Resolutions. It’s usually because they run into a problem or they have a week where weight loss is slow. It’s very important to have clear criteria to judge whether your week is a success or failure. If you have unclear or unrealistic expectations, it might mean the end of trying altogether.

When you are trying to lose weight, how do you judge success?

How much weight do you have to lose in a week for you to consider it a success?

What if you don’t lose any weight?

How else can you judge your week’s success or failure?

Start thinking about your healthy lifestyle in terms of things you can do. You can monitor your water or vegetable intake, but you can’t necessarily guarantee that you will lose weight every week. Instead of judging your week’s success by the scale, what are you going to judge yourself by?

P.S. I’d like to tell you that you shouldn’t be judging yourself harshly at all, but based on the email I’m getting, I know you are out there doing it right now, so we need to address that issue and find a way to give yourself more positive feedback. Next week, start thinking about how you could stop judging yourself at all.

Stop it.

Right now.

Stop beating yourself up. Stop avoiding people you knew. Stop telling yourself that you’re too fat to meet up with old friends. Stop it. Right now.

It’s time to be nice to yourself. It’s time to remember how beautiful you are. It’s time to take a moment with yourself and let love spread over you like a waterfall. Feel it pounding on your head, making it bend down under the weight of it. You deserve to be loved every day and you are the best person to love yourself. You know exactly what you need.

PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.

For some of us, we can’t go back into our memory far enough to remember the first time we realized we were fat. We just always had been told we were fat. For others, weight gain is a recent thing. They grew up thin with no weight problems and the weight just crept on over the years.

What is your first fat memory?

Did you notice your body and realize you were overweight or did someone else point it out to you?

What did you think?

How did it all make you feel?

I vividly remember the first day that I realized I was fat. I was about four years old watching television in the living room at my grandma’s house. My grandma and my mom were in the kitchen talking. I heard my name and started listening to what they were saying. My grandma started the conversation,

“I noticed that she has another roll on her stomach. We really need to do something about her.”

My mom came to my defense,

“I’m not going to bug her about losing weight. She’s only four years old.”

The one thing that was obvious is that both my mom and my grandma thought I was fat. That was the day that I decided I was fat. After looking at the pictures from my childhood, I have come to realize that I wasn’t fat. My grandma was obsessed with weight: both her own and the people around her.

What if that is true about you? What if that person who pointed at you and called you fat was just lying and trying to hurt your feelings? We are all beautiful. Take some time today and try to remember the first time anyone called you fat. Write down how you felt and try to research to see if it was true or not. The first step toward getting the body you want is being truthful with yourself. Knowing the evolution of your health is the only way you’re going to know the truth.

In honor of CES, this week’s question of the week is about gadgets:

What weight loss or fitness gadgets have you purchased in the past?

Did they work the way they advertised?

Did they help you lose weight or get stronger?

Which gadgets made you feel ripped off?

Which gadgets were totally worth the money?

It’s impossible to “buy” fitness. If it were, I would have by now. I talked about this in the past:

• Starling Fitness » Can’t Buy Me Fitness (Part 1)

• Starling Fitness » Can’t Buy Me Fitness (Part 2)

It was a shock for me to see this week’s PostSecret. This postcard was staring at me. I could have written it. I had talked about craving cupcakes for MONTHS and looking at recipes, pictures and such online. I didn’t write this postcard, but this could have been my secret a couple of weeks ago.

I made so many cupcakes for that New Year’s Eve party. It only took four to be sick of them. We gave away over a dozen to my husband’s family. Why did I torture myself for so many months?

PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.

If you have been faithfully following a New Year’s Resolution, you’re probably craving something right now. Maybe it’s a craving for a lazy day without exercise. Maybe it’s a craving for your favorite food. Let’s talk about those cravings right now.

What are you craving?

Why aren’t you allowing yourself this?

Have you caved into your craving before? What happened?

What would happen if you did?

Is it possible to cave into your craving in a controlled manner so that it won’t disrupt your goals? How?

Whatever it is, your assignment for this week is to write a full page about it and then find a way to work it into your schedule. Whether it’s a day of rest or a certain food, there HAS to be a way for you to enjoy that food in a controlled setting. Those cravings are there for a reason. Maybe you’ve been working out too hard or your body is missing a certain nutrient. Maybe that food or activity represents comfort to you. Are you really prepared to live a life without comfort? No? Then let’s find a way to work it into your life AND still be dedicated to exercising and eating healthy.

Yesterday, I talked about my Healthy & Happy List. It’s a list of things that I try to do every day to stay healthy and happy. It took me a long time to realize what needed to be on that list, but it didn’t have to be that way. Take a few moments today to decide what would be on your list. Answering these questions might help you figure out what should be on your list.

What things do you need to do every day to be healthy?

What things do you need to do every day to be happy?

What things would you like to do but you never let yourself do?

What things do you do too much of and end up getting sick of?

What things should you do that you don’t really like to do?

What do you feel guilty for doing, but like to do anyway? Why?

What do you feel guilty for NOT doing, but do them anyway? Why?

My Healthy & Happy List is a section of my journal pages that I write in every day. You can download those journal pages here:

• Starling Fitness » Journal Pages To Download

You don’t need to use my Healthy & Happy List. Edit the pages to match your own list of things to do to keep yourself healthy and happy.

Yesterday, I provided journal pages to download and use for writing your Inner Workouts and keep track of your healthy eating and exercise. In the Daily Tracking Section, I had a spot to check off my Healthy and Happy List. It took me awhile, but I have a list of things that keep me healthy and happy. The more of these things that I can do, the better my life runs and the happier I am. I wanted to explain each one here:

Exercise: Exercising every day not only helps me be healthy, it boosts my mood. After only a month of regular exercising, I realized that I needed to put it on my list.

Eat Healthy: When I eat healthy, I feel a sense of pride in myself, so it boosts my mood. Mostly, it’s on the list so that I’ll be healthy and strong.

Clean Something: I have a hard time being happy in a cluttered and messy house. All I have to do is tackle one household chore a day to substantially improve my mood.

Sleep 8 Hours: This number might be different for you, but I need at least eight hours of sleep every night to function. It’s really hard for me to be upbeat and happy when I’m struggling to stay awake.

Create Something: Allowing myself a little time every day to be creative is really important to me. All it takes is a small craft project or a few rows of crochet to make me happier.

Journal: I already talked yesterday about how regular journaling keeps me happy and less likely to binge. I find it ironic that there is a check mark in the actual journal. If I don’t journal, then I usually don’t fill out my Healthy and Happy List. It seems like if I don’t journal, everything falls apart.

Work: Work is an important part of life. If I don’t work, I don’t make money, but if life is ALL work, then I end up feeling deprived and unappreciated, even though it was me who pushed myself so hard. I need to make sure I do some work every day, but not so much that I don’t get to check off the other boxes on my list.

Play: I love to play video games. I love to read trashy sci-fi novels. I love to play with my pets. I love to watch movies. I love to watch television. I put all entertainment on such a low priority, though that I end up having binges if I don’t incorporate a little bit of play into my life at all times. I need to give myself permission to enjoy a movie or video game a little bit every day to prevent those strange days when all I do is sit on the couch and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation reruns.

Social: Sending personal emails, calling on the telephone and actually seeing friends in person are all social things. Sometimes I neglect the most important people in my life and other times, I plan so many social things that I’m sick of people. I need to find a balance to keep myself happy. That’s why social is on the list. If I do a little bit every day, I won’t neglect and I won’t get “peopled-out.”

Read: I love to read books, but that is categorized in the Play section for me. This is more work related. I need to keep up on the latest technology, fitness and travel information to do my job correctly, so I have a ton of weblogs that I read. If I am able to read them, I feel more control of my work life and it makes me happy.

This list probably has little to do with YOUR personal happiness. That’s why the journal pages are in Excel format instead of Adobe Acrobat. You can change the journal pages to match what you need every day to keep you happy. Take a few minutes and really think about what makes you happy. Make a list add it to your personalized journal pages.

As I printed some journal pages for the new year, I realized that I have never shared these with you. Every day, I write a personal journal by hand. It’s very therapeutic and one of the ways I have come to depend on to stay on track. I made these journal pages using Microsoft Excel, but you can also open them up using OpenOffice, which is free.

This spreadsheet will probably have to be tweaked to work on your printer, but it can be printed double-sided, so that you will have nice journal pages. I have it available in both paper sizes: 8 1/2″ X 11″ and 5 1/2″ X 8 1/2″. I use the 5 1/2″ X 8 1/2″ size and put them in a comb binder so that my journal is very portable. You can download the journal pages here:

• Download Starling Fitness Journal Pages

These spreadsheets are really just lined paper with a Daily Tracking on each page. You can see the Daily Tracking is just a simple spot where I can record my healthy eating habits, the Points I’ve eaten each day and other things. I’ll talk about the Healthy & Happy List tomorrow.

I use these journal pages for my Inner Workouts. Every day I write out my feelings and worries. It really helps me to stay focused and keep happy. I’ve noticed that the days I’m most tempted to binge are the days when I don’t write in my journal. It has become so helpful to me that I still write every single day.