Starling Fitness: Daily writings on Fitness, Diet, and Health

I have been practicing yoga for the last two months. I’ve been watching some videos on YouTube to get started:

• Yoga With Adriene – YouTube

I have been doing the same few poses every day for two months and I’m getting pretty good at them. Today, I was feeling a little bored, so I decided to try Eagle pose and I was SHOCKED.

Image via: Eagle Pose – We Are Yoga

I suck at it.

Every time I try a new pose, I am a rank amateur. I am a beginner. Just because I have been able to hold Downward Facing Dog without my arms shaking and losing my balance, doesn’t mean I am good at Eagle Pose. Every pose is a beginning.

Honestly, that’s how life is. Every new thing we try is a beginning and we are rank amateurs.

The funny thing is, I didn’t get frustrated like I did when I was first starting yoga. I got excited. I had gotten a little bored with the poses that I had worked on lately, but this Eagle pose thing was HARD, and somehow, that was a GOOD thing. When I first started yoga, I was VERY frustrated with the fact that I couldn’t hold most poses for more than five seconds. I had to keep starting over to get my full 20 seconds of hold. Today, however, I had a tiny jolt of adrenaline from it. Here was something that I couldn’t do and I knew that if I kept trying for a couple of months, I COULD do it. I just needed to keep trying. It was beautiful.

The next time I realize that I am a rank amateur at something in the “real” world, I’m going to remember this. I’m going to recall that jolt of excitement that says, “This is HARD! And that’s a GOOD thing!”

I am short. At 5’2″, most people tower over me. I can’t reach things on top shelves. Sometimes I need to ask my husband to get something from a high spot. Sometimes I need to get a step out of the closet to reach them.

I never berate myself for being short.

I never feel guilty when I have to get a step out of the closet to reach things.

I never get angry at myself when I have to ask Mike to get something that is high.

I can’t change the fact that I’m short.

The same is true about my eating disorder.

I have binge eating disorder. I have no control over food and when I start a binge, I cannot stop it. There are certain foods that are really dangerous to me because when I eat them, they make me want to binge for days afterwards. I can never eat like a “normal” person again.

Sometimes I need to ask for help when I want to binge. Sometimes I can’t stay away from food on my own and I need to call my sponsor or a friend. Sometimes I need to get myself away from the food. Sometimes I need to go back to basics and work on the steps.

I do not berate myself for overeating.

I never get angry at myself for needing to work my Overeater’s Anonymous program in order to keep myself from bingeing.

I never feel guilty when I need to ask for help to stay away from food.

I can’t change the fact that I have an eating disorder.

Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

I saw this motivational poster on Daily Gains Fitness and I about jumped out of my seat.

It reads:

If you have time for Tumblr, then you have time to workout.

For me, it’s not Tumblr that takes up all my time. It’s Facebook. There’s a poster for that one too, from Fit Photos page on Facebook.

It reads:

If you have time for Facebook, then you have time for exercise.

I spend a lot of time just zoning out and scrolling down on Facebook and Pinterest. If I just walked on the treadmill while I did that, I would have much more activity calories burned. I should put this motivational poster on my phone and iPad home screen so I see it every time I pull up my favorite obsession and replace it with a MUCH healthier obsession.

I love this quote that I found today.

It reads:

The hardest thing when you think about focusing. You think focusing is about saying “Yes.” No. Focusing is about saying “No.” And when you say “No,” you piss off people.

• Steve Jobs

That is so true for me. When I focus on a project, I really feel like it’s saying “yes” to that project. It is, in some respects, but it is also saying “no” to other projects. Not only that, it’s CONTINUALLY saying “no” to other projects until you make your goal.

That’s how it is with losing weight. It’s not about saying “yes” to losing weight and living healthy. It’s about saying “no” over and over and over again. In fact, you find yourself saying “no” so many times that it begins to feel negative.

• Would you like a piece of pie?
• Would you like to go out drinking with us?
• Would you like to go to the movies?
• Would you like to blow off your workout?
• Would you like to take the rest of this home?
• Would you like to meet me for dinner?

There is nothing wrong with any of these questions. There is a time for pie (at least a tiny sliver) and a time for movies, but when those things interfere with your goal of losing weight and living healthy, then you have to say “no.”

There is another way to look at it, though. Every time you say “no” rephrase it as a “yes.”

• I would love that pie, but I have already eaten enough. Can you wrap me up a piece that I can take home? (Then throw it away in the nearest dumpster.)
• I’d like to go drinking, but I need to wake up early to workout. I’ve got a 5K to train for.
• I’d like to go to the movies, but I can’t handle all the popcorn and food there right now. How about we rent a DVD instead?
• I love my workouts and I don’t ever want to blow them off. Want to come with me?
• I would love to take that food home. (Then throw it away in the nearest dumpster.)
• I’d like to see you, but it’s too late for me to eat right now. Let’s meet up at the bookstore (library, park, skating rink, etc.) and see each other.

The truth is, you WILL piss some people off when you have to say “no.” They’re not used to you giving your health a priority. After years of doing it, however, things will be different. People will treat you differently.

• I know you don’t like pie right after dinner. Should I save you a piece to take home?
• We want to go out drinking. When is your rest day for your morning workouts? We’ll go the night before.
• Want to go to the movies? We can arrive right before it starts so there isn’t time for popcorn.
• Can I come with you on a workout this week?
• You probably don’t want this, do you? I didn’t think so. I’ll just save it for leftovers.
• Want to meet at the bookstore?

Then, you can say “yes” instead of “no.” Training our families to be respectful of our dreams is something that is very important on this journey and this is one way you can start doing it now.

I found this image of a pattern for a pioneer dress on Antique Dollhouse of Patterns. It reminded me of 7th Grade.

When I was a kid, my grandmother made me two or three of these dresses. I was in the middle of an intense Little House on the Prairie phase and I needed dresses to go to church three times a week. I LOVED these dresses.

I learned to sew that summer by watching my grandmother make those dresses. Since that summer, I’ve always made some of my clothes and altered most of my store bought clothes. Store bought clothes never quite fit me correctly. Finding the right ones usually involves hemming or altering them somehow.

I always thought it was because I was fat.

Now that I am approaching “normal” sizes and can buy large “normal” clothes instead of plus sized clothes, I am surprised that I STILL need to alter my clothes. They never seem to fit correctly, but now I don’t have fat to blame.

That is EXACTLY how a lot of things are for me. I have blamed EVERYTHING on my weight, when in actuality, it had very little to do with things. Just like the fact that I still have to hem my pants, despite losing 70 pounds, I have many problems in my life that had nothing to do with my weight.

Like self-esteem. I still think I’m fat. Honestly, I still AM fat. I have thirty pounds to go right now, but I still feel as fat as I did when I was seventy pounds heavier. The fat has NOTHING to do with it. I feel fat sometimes and it has nothing to do with my body and everything to do with my mind.

Just like hemming my pants, I still need to work on my mind, no matter what I weigh. Getting thinner doesn’t solve my problems, it merely shows me what problems were caused by my fat (like chaffing thighs and being out of breath) and which ones were caused by my brain.

I absolutely ADORE this quote from President Obama!

It reads:

Find somebody to be successful for. Raise their hopes. Think of their needs.

• Barack Obama

Thinking of other people instead of myself has been one of the most helpful things I’ve learned this last year. So many times when I am feeling bad, it’s because I am only thinking about myself. The minute I try to focus my goals on making other people happy, all that worry, fear and desire for control go out the window. Taking the focus off myself and my crazy head and putting it outside myself somehow makes the crazy go away.

And when the crazy goes away, I don’t feel the need to binge. I can eat healthy food and feel satisfied. I can exercise reasonably without injuring myself.

So go find somebody to be successful for.

I saw this quote and nodded in sadness.

It reads:

When you’re a team of one, you’re always captain.

• Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata

That is true. It is so much easier to be a team of one. No one to argue with. No one to pull you down. If you want something done, you just DO it and it’s done. There’s no waiting FOREVER for that lazy other team member to get their part done so you can do your stuff.

This is why I suffered with my binge eating for so long. I was so dependent on the idea that a team of one is better that I wasn’t able to find recovery.

What I really needed was an actual TEAM. A group of people who knew EXACTLY what I was going through and were there to say, “You can do this. It’s possible. Here’s how.” I NEEDED the people in Overeater’s Anonymous to help me. I didn’t need Weight Watchers. The people and the teachers there were loving and kind, but they didn’t understand the addiction and didn’t have any answers.

Now, I have a full team to help me in my recovery and I am NOT the captain. That’s the best part. I am not in charge and all I have to do is follow the rules and continue to work hard and I am free of the compulsion to overeat. It’s wonderful, even for a control freak like me!

Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

When I first saw this motivational poster from Positive Life Tips, I was bugged by it.

It reads:

You are loved beyond measure, and nothing you can ever do can separate you from that love.

I thought the quote was talking about God or maybe my family and friends. It made me want to make a farting noise with my tongue and wave it away rudely.

And then I remembered this quote from this entry I wrote:

* Starling Fitness – All They Care About Is You

It reads:

“Whenever you feel sad just remember that there are billions of cells in your body and all they care about is you.”

We ARE loved beyond measure. Each and every cell in our body desperately and violently wants us to live, wants us to thrive, and wants us to be happy. Their existence depends ENTIRELY upon us and they love us beyond measure.

Some people mistake that love that they feel as coming from a god or supreme being, but in actuality, that love that is surrounding us when we feel like that is coming from within. We are literally being bathed in love from billions of cells. Give yourself some time every single day to tap into that love and listen to it.

I saw this motivational poster on Positive Life Tips and I know it is true.

It reads:

Your perception of me is a reflection of you.

That’s all well and good, and it might actually help me feel better if someone doesn’t like me. The MOST important thing I have learned, however, is the polar opposite.

My perception of you is a reflection of me.

THAT is a helpful thing to know. I’ve talked about this concept before here:

• Starling Fitness – Search for Virtues and Vices

Back then, I described this concept as The Mirror. Everyone is a mirror to your own virtues and vices. I used my sponsor’s favorite saying about this:

If you spot it, you’ve got it.

If it makes you mad, you got it bad.

That is so true and when I KNOW the problem I’m having, then I can work to solve it. I can’t solve other people’s attitudes or behaviors, but I sure as heck can work on my own. And EVERY time I learn to wrangle a character defect, eating healthy and abstaining from bingeing gets easier. THAT’S why it’s called an inner workout.

I saw this quote today and it kind of bugged me.

It reads:

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

• Jack Layton

My problem with this is when I’m angry, love doesn’t really make it go away. When I’m fearful, hope doesn’t help me. When I’m depressed and despairing, optimism doesn’t help. This quote is a great idea and I WANT to be loving, hopeful and optimistic all the time, I just didn’t know how to do it.

Until I worked through my steps in Overeater’s Anonymous. Very early in our work together, my sponsor gave me this Character Defects List. Click on the picture to download the full-sized image.

Every time I would mention something I was angry about, my sponsor would ask me, “What’s the opposite of anger?” She’d wait while I pulled out my list and replied, “Forgiveness, calm and generosity.” Whenever I would talk about something I was afraid of, she would ask me, “What’s the opposite of fear?” I’d check my list and answer, “Faith, confidence and courage.”

Now, I can spot my character defects coming from a mile away and they are FAR more numerous than fear, anger and depression. When I do, I can do a meditation on the opposite of my current problem and I always feel much better. Jack Layton almost had it right. I just needed a little more instruction on how to be loving, optimistic and hopeful.

Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.