Starling Fitness: Daily writings on Fitness, Diet, and Health

Sometimes things I write come back to smack me in the face. This quote was taken from a fiction blog I write called, Merriton.

It reads:

Better to look weak and be strong than to look strong and be weak.

• Laura Moncur

Every time I start exercising again, it spirals out of control and I do WAY too much, which, ironically, causes a binge and usually injuries. So, I have held back on exercising. I did so much of it before and it never helped me lose weight. All it did was make me eat more.

I still walk my dog every day for a minimum of twenty minutes, but that’s something I do for her and for the sunshine that it gives me. I need at least twenty minutes of sun a day or I get a little depressed and stabby. That’s the sum total of my exercise for the last year, in which time I’ve lost a total of 56 pounds.

But then again, I know I am weak, no matter how much stronger I look.

I strained my back just walking yesterday. I didn’t pick up something too heavy or twist wrong. All I was doing was walking. THAT’S how weak I’ve become. But I don’t know how to get back to my weight-lifting regime without setting off my exercise bulimia.

I’m just as powerless over exercise as I am over food.

It has taken me a year to realize this. I NEED to exercise, just as much as I need to eat. It builds muscle. It keeps me strong. It protects my back and bones. It’s just as important as healthy food and just as binge-inducing. So, I need to treat it just like I have food ever since I joined Overeater’s Anonymous.

I’m powerless. I can’t control it. So I’ll just hand it over to someone who can.

I don’t know if it will be a trainer or my sponsor or what form my Higher Power may take in this case, but all I know is that I won’t be in charge. I overdo it and hurt myself every time I think I’m in charge.

The first job, however, is to finish unpacking the exercise room so I can use my weights again…

Overeaters Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog.