Starling Fitness: Daily writings on Fitness, Diet, and Health

I found this funny card on Fit Villains the other day.

It reads:

Losing weight is hard…

And the last time I checked, calling someone “fat” does not make it any easier.

It’s so true, but the person who keeps berating me is within my own head. As the saying goes:

It is hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.

-Sally Kempton

I just need to remind myself constantly that calling myself “fat” OBVIOUSLY doesn’t help. If it did, I would be stick thin after thirty years of this abuse. Every time I catch me berating myself, I need to stop it and remember this.

As angry as I have been with Nike in the past, I still enjoy how inspirational their advertisements are. I found this one on work sweat achieve.

It reads:

We gave up giving up.

I need to make this my mantra. If I’m sick of starting over, I need to STOP quitting. If I repeat this to myself enough times, I’m sure I will eventually get it in my head and keep going even when I don’t want to.

Running again has been especially difficult here in Utah this year because it has been cold, snowy AND there is a massive inversion that makes our air pollution rival Los Angeles, but I haven’t let it stop me. I keep this thought in mind.

Running is a four season sport. NO EXCUSES!

Once I cut out the chance for using the weather as an excuse, then getting myself to go out for a run is a lot easier.

Photo via: Running in the snow by michal_bielecki, on Flickr

This comic from Nemi comics by Lise Myhre really brought home the reason to stay away from carbs.

Just one chip can lead to an entire mouthful, an entire day-full or even months trying to get back on track. It’s best to keep your carb intake low and then eating healthy will be much easier.

Comic via: Tastefully Offensive

Running. Running worked for me before. Sure, they say that it’s bad for your knees and can lead to injuries, but I never was as thin as when I was running.

Plus, I find that I miss it. I saw this motivational picture yesterday and it truly made me remember why I loved running so much.

It reads:

Listen for the unwritten symphonies in your footsteps.

I started running again yesterday and I will again today.

Photo via: I CAN DO IT

220.9: It’s what my scale read this morning and the number shocked me out of the haze I’ve been in for months upon months. I’ve allowed stress to overtake my existence and used food to deal with it instead of exercise and meditation, and THIS is the result.

It’s not like it was a surprise. None of my clothes fit. I’ve weighed myself and started to eat healthy and track my food several times over the last three months. Each time, however, I abandoned my food log and exercise tracker within days.

But now, 220.9…

It’s not that it’s a particularly even number. It’s not like 220 is a magic limit that once I hit it, a panic sets in. That panic set in ages ago and I’ve lived with that panic for so long that it seems commonplace. “I’m too fat!” the voice screams in my head every minute of every day. It’s not like I can escape that voice because it’s my own internal dialogue.

220.9…

It’s not like it’s the highest weight I’ve been. I originally started this journey at 232 pounds, weighed on the Weight Watchers scale at my sister’s place of employment. We joined together and we both saw some success, but eventually, the starvation and hunger pangs overtook me and I couldn’t follow that low fat program anymore.

220.9…

Actually, my best success was when I still attended Weight Watchers meetings, but followed a low carb diet. I stayed under their points, but I did it by eating low carb without hunger. I really thrived with weekly accountability and a low carb diet, but I refuse to go back. Weight Watchers have gotten enough of my money and a bitter pill inside me is still feels that they lied to me.

220.9…

But low carb on my own just didn’t work. I wasn’t hungry, but I did have cravings for bread, sugar and any other carb you could imagine. Something about the weekly weigh-ins at Weight Watchers really helped me, but I don’t know how to recreate them without shelling out twelve bucks a week for the privilege of being taught all the wrong things about nutrition.

220.9…

All I know is that the weight gain has to STOP. I am logging my food again. I am committing to exercise every single day. I am dealing with my stress with meditation, journal writing and sunlight. I feel alone and lost in the world and I wish there was some magic cure to this all, but for now, I’m doing what I know works and looking for additional options along the way.