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About a week ago, I had a nightmare. There was a horrible disease that was turning people into violent zombies. It would happen very quickly, just like in the movie, Omega Man. I would turn around and my best friend was suddenly a zombie, trying to attack me. They were weak and pathetic zombies, easily defeated, but it was still scary.
Mike and I were safe in our new house, and we learned that the problem was in the food supply. SOMETHING about the food supply was turning people into zombies. I felt such a wave of relief. I said to Mike, “This is PERFECT! All we need to do is NOT EAT and we’re safe from the disease! We have enough fat on us to last MONTHS, which just might be long enough for the scientists to figure out which food is turning people!” I was overjoyed. All we had to do was not eat and both of us would be safe!
Then Mike said, “Like you could do that!” His voice was joking, but it did ring true. I was crushed with the knowledge that even if food could KILL me, he didn’t believe that I wouldn’t eat. It hurt my feelings so bad that I immediately woke up.
In REAL life, Mike would never say anything so rude to me. He has always been so supportive of me and all my eating problems. The truth of the matter is, foods that are high in carbohydrates HURT me. Sugary and starchy foods really make my stomach writhe in pain.
Yet I still eat them.
My reality isn’t too far from the horror of that dream. Even when food is “killing” my stomach, I still eat it. I don’t know HOW to reduce my carbohydrate intake without setting off my feelings of deprivation, but I’m going to figure out a way to do it. I’d much rather live a long and pain-free life than end up with a disease.
Photo via: the WAREHOUSE: the Omega Man
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July 27th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Dear Laura,
I just happened upon your blog while looking up a quotation and I was moved to respond to you. I understand your struggle with food completely, having battled a weight problem all my life – twice hitting 200 lbs.
Six years ago, when I turned 50, I decided there was nothing I could do about being 50, but I would be damned if I’d be 50 AND fat. It took me a year and a half, but I shed over 75 pounds through hard work in the gym, and by changing my eating regimine.
Here’s how I dealt with feelings of deprivation: 1. I never said I was on a diet. I never said there would foods I couldn’t eat. I could eat anything I wanted – I simply chose not to eat certain foods because I knew they weren’t helping me feel good, or attain my goals. 2. When tempted, I had a couple of things I would say to myself – “you don’t need that, you know what that tastes like, been there, done that.” “Which will make you feel better? – eating (whatever) or weighing (your new weight)?” Success becomes it’s own motivator, too. 3. I’m a weight lifter, and as I got stronger, I would tell myself “you are stronger than cookies! I have a pictures of a warrior goddess who is my avatar, and I tell myself she (and I) is stronger than temptation! 4. Remind myself that on the times I did give into temptation, it never made me feel better – it never provided the comfort I was seeking – it only made me feel worse because then I felt like a “Bad” out-of-contorl person.
I know this may sound too simplistic. But I can only tell you it worked for me. 6 years later, I weigh 122 pounds and wear size 2’s and 4’s. (I used to wear 18’s and 20’s). People ask me if I’m a professional athlete because I am in such good shape. You can do this. You are worth it – it’s going to feel so much better than eating ANY food EVER could!!!!!
Elizabeth Brent
July 27th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Laura,
I’m lactose intolerant and have been for years. As a kid, before we realized what my “issue” was, I would have to make my Dad stop the car on the way to school in the morning so that I could run into a gas station bathroom. We didn’t know what was going on then. No one suspected or even wondered, just chalking it up to “nervous stomach”. (Every morning??)
I was so relieved to find out what my problem was – until I found out that there was no cure. Sure, there are other options out there (soy milk, rice milk, “lactose reduced” milk) and they work fine. They sustain me. They allow me to survive, but there was always that little itch that couldn’t be scratched.
And sometimes, when I knew I’d be home and not around other people, I would have a bowl of ice cream or a milk shake. Yep, I’m that guy you’re describing too. I would allow myself serious pain rather than go without that piece of ice cream cake at mu niece’s birthday party. (Gads, I love ice cream cake!)
Now, though, I’ve found a semi-cure! I’m not trying to sell anything, but the product I use is call Digestive Advantage and it’s wonderful! For now, I can eat whatever I want with no restrictions, no pain.
Digestive Advantage are supplements, not drugs, and there are several lines of products for a range of digestive issues. See http://www.digestiveadvantage.com/ for the whole line-up.
Now, this is a blessing and a curse. There’s nothing standing in my way of eating that ice cream! But it sure makes over-indulging less painful.
Maybe one of them can help you with your carb owies.
Best of luck! Ernie