Starling Fitness: Daily writings on Fitness, Diet, and Health

So many of these PostSecret entries hit home for me. There was a time when I knew I had chosen the wrong path. I didn’t really see a way out, so I finished up my worthless college degree. During that time, I gained about thirty to forty pounds. I didn’t step on a scale the entire time because I was so stressed out trying to finish student teaching, but I think I gained about thirty pounds during that time.

The only entertainment that I allowed myself was taped episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I might have felt better if I had exercised or cleaned up the apartment, but instead, I zoned out in front of the television. That was a really hard time in my life.

How did I get out? How did I find a life full of joys other than food and TV?

It was slow. It’s not like some lightning bolt hit me and I suddenly felt better. I didn’t wake up one morning and say to myself, “I’m going to find something to make me happy that doesn’t involve damaging my body.” It’s not like eating or television were even the problem. My problem was that I wasn’t living the life that I had planned and I wasn’t willing to face it. The more I hid from myself, the less I enjoyed anything.

I think my turning point was the day that I decided to be fat. I decided that I wasn’t going to diet anymore. I was going to just be fat and if people didn’t like it, too bad for them. I gained even more weight after that, but eventually, I started choosing my food based on health instead of whether it would squash down my feelings. It was a long road, but I vividly remember the time in my life when my only joy was eating and watching sci-fi on TV.

PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.